I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
