My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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