I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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