ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
