is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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