Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
