I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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