if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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