So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
