This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
