Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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