We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
