I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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