when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
