Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
