Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Sorry about my life...
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
