Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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