yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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