i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
