Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize