Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
