batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
