everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
