it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
20 People Confess What It’s Really Like To Live Under Sharia Law
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
21 Texts That Prove All the Magic Happens in Parking Lots
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
