Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.