i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Randomize
