True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
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