you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!