season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
