textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...