Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me