I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
