wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Sorry my hands just texted you
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
