Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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