I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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