Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
