I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
