The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I intend to get homeless drunk
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize
