drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
