Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
