He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
