Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I wish I could punch you in the face.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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