This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
