Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
