I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
