New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
MIDGETS
????
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
