Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
