What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
