So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
