I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
tell your sister to shave her snatch
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
