Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
