it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
