Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
