I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
