I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
