He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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