i permit you to call me
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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