remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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