Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
