Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
