ugly people sure do ruin things
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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