i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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