what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
