I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize