we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
