you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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