im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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