I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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